I hate bland food. Yet I was reflecting on the number of people who don’t.
I’m sure you know the type. It could be someone in your family. Or one of your friends. Or even you.
They are a class of people to whom food is merely sustenance. Nothing more, nothing less. They don’t seem to derive any joy out of an interesting and varied menu. They’d probably prefer it if meals could be condensed into a tablet they could take three times a day.
I first encountered one of these people, a few years ago at my old workplace. Here was a woman in her early 50’s and the most “exotic” thing she’d eaten in her life was probably a bbq chicken. For the 5 years I worked with her, she ate for lunch, every single day, a toasted cheese sandwich. I discussed food with her, and she refused to eat what she called “wog food”. Which was a label she pretty much applied to every form of cuisine other than Australian – whatever that is. It’s not that she was overtly racist (although she was to large measure), she just simply had bland, plain tastes. According to her, spaghetti reminded her of worms, and rice to her looked like maggots. So basically she hated the majority of Italian and Asian cuisines. We often joked about it, but I always thought it was sad when a person limited their food experiences to such an extent.
I do think in general, Australians are more adventurous nowadays with their taste in food. You only have to look at the popularity of shows like Masterchef and MKR and the sales of cook books to see that people are interested in food.
So it is extremely frustrating to be friends with someone whose palate is about as sophisticated as a 10 year old – although those kids on Junior Masterchef show that even 10 year olds are more interested in food nowadays….
So I have a friend whose idea of “exotic” food is having his chicken subway toasted – and minus the cheese if you please.
It’s not usually a problem, because at work we each buy or make what we want for lunch. I don’t care if he wants to eat Subway 5 days a week.
I do care, when we get sent to Melbourne for a week for work, he wants to do the same. Here we are, in probably the food capital of Australia, and on the first night of our stay, he suggests, you guessed it, Subway for dinner. Now he’s not a kid. He’s a late 20-something old adult. With the plainest palette of anyone I’ve known. My 14 year old nephew will eat a greater range of foods than this bloke. Don’t get me wrong, in most respects he’s pretty reasonable and intelligent and this issue only arises when we socialise outside of work and need to decide on where/what to eat.
I’m not sure where his aversion to diverse food comes from. He claims that he has tried “everything” but hasn’t like it. I find that very difficult to believe as I watch him “cooking” chicken nuggets for dinner one evening. He won’t eat any curry, because “it looks like dog food”, and has written off the entire range of Vietnamese cuisine, because he “tried it once and didn’t like it”. Oh, I was a little harsh when I said his idea of exotic food was having his Subway toasted. The one possible exception to his bland taste is “special fried rice”. Even then, he’ll invariably pick out the prawns and larger vegetables and leave them to the side of his plate. This is usually his defence when I accuse him of food “racism”.
On this occasion in Melbourne, I put my foot down and said “I did not come to the food capital of Australia only to eat Subway/Maccas/HJ/any other international fast food chain.” So the first night we went to Mercandante on Lygon Street, a bustling Italian eatery. I ordered their sinfonia di mare. Old mate wanted a “meat lovers” pizza, but settled for supreme. That worked out ok.
We managed to avoid any fast food chains for the next few nights (he still had Subway each day for lunch), but by mid-week, he was complaining that so far I had chosen the places to eat. I said you choose, but no fast food. So he chose a local Chinese place where he had – you guessed it, fried rice.
Before you accuse me of being selfish and not considering his preferences, in each of my choices, I had tried to find places that wouldn’t offend his bland tastes (not too much anyway), in in doing so, had passed up some of the more interesting establishments Melbourne friends had recommended. Like Movida. And Hu Tong. And had to put up with bland Chinese and fish and chips.
So it is not ideal travelling with a friend whose taste differ so far from your own. It makes it difficult unless you end up eating at different places whilst the other watches on. And even if you manage to convince them to come to a place, knowing they are not enjoying themselves puts a limit on your own enjoyment.
A perfect example was when we were joined by another colleague one evening, and set out to find 400 Gradi where the margarita pizza won an international pizza competition in Italy. Two of us were excited and eager to try this place out. One of us wasn’t. The one was outvoted.
After being seated, we were stung by the offer of water (which turned out to be an $8 litre bottle of still water). Not a great start – they clearly saw us coming. Bit of a scam if you ask me. So whilst two us excitedly perused the menu (which listed Italian names for everything), the other gave it a cursory glanced and announced he wanted a bowl of chips! He complained he couldn’t understand the menu, even though under each name was the English description of the item – possibly because he’d never heard of “prosciutto or “pancetta”. We tried to get him to try one of the pizzas (and had to explain that the authentic Italian pizza didn’t come in stuffed crust or bbq meat lovers), but he stubbornly stuck to his bowl of chips. It struck me as we both tried to convince him, that we were like parents trying to get an 8 year old to try something new. I almost laughed out loud.
The margherita pizza was amazing, and worthy of the prize. But instead of being able to fully savour and appreciate the wonderful food, I had the niggling thought in the back of my mind that my friend was not enjoying himself and probably couldn’t wait to leave to get cheeseburger. His lack of enjoyment then, affected our enjoyment. It was not ideal.
We had discussed maybe travelling OS later in the year, but I’m afraid our food difference could ruin the fun for both of us.
I wonder how many others are out there like him. I’d always assumed that our palettes mature at some point, and we come to appreciate foods we may have not liked as kids. I feel a little sad for him, that he is missing out on everything food has to offer, beyond mere sustenance.
Am I being “food wanker”? Some pretentious git who belittles those with plainer tastes? I don’t think so, because I’m not usually one who goes on about food or brags about things I’ve tried. And to be honest, I don’t think I’m all that adventurous when it comes to food. It’s just that I’m not used to dining with a 10 year old.
You know it makes sense! 